Street Knowledge (formerly) Pt. 7

I have to tell you, I'm on my way to writing a full-fledged book at this point. Six pages! I can't believe I'm engrossing enough to read this long.
I think I started telling you about street smarts, but I don't really care about that anymore. I want to talk more about my religion and me.
Like how I think you should act.
Treat everyone like you would treat yourself. Except if you like to masturbate, because no one wants you doing that to them without the written permission of a pastor or something. Basically, you should be married.
But enough about that - what should you eat? I mean, every religion tells its people that they should eat this and shouldn't eat that.
I want to see people eating things like trees or cars. That would prove your worth.
You can tell people not to eat pork, and that's pretty easy to do. I haven't eaten pork in over an hour. But think about telling them to eat a whole tree. Now that would be a worthy worshipper.
And while you're eating trees, why don't you make me a potpie.
…of cheese.
Cheese would reckon high in my religion. I would change the whole Three Kings story to make them each bring a different cheese. Like one has Gouda and one has Cheddar, and the other one has a double cheeseburger.
I guess I've already demanded that you believe me, so why not demand money?
I would probably ask for some money for writing this Bible, and then ask for some more to speak at Soccer games and Society parties.
I've never been to a Society party, but I bet I would go over well. So, if you are part of High Society, let me know and I'll come talk.
I usually just say the first thing that comes to my head, so you better hope I'm in a good mood.
Like that one time I wrote this.