Holy

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY - PLEASE LET ME TAKE A SHIT!!!




That one gets three exclamations.

In fact, IN GOOGLE WITH PARENTHESIS: PLEASE LET ME TAKE A SHIT!!!



A little background: So, I'm of the type that enjoys a private oasis when dropping large torpedoes of nacho meal into a toilet.

Why, you may ask? Well, if you are the type that has to ask, you probably eat children and snort penguin shit.

From the days of yore, civilized man has always strived to shit privately. It's just our nature: when you're making smelly, you don't want others around...unless you're into that.

I'm no different and I need a private sanctuary, not unlike a fortress of solitude, to manufacture turds.

With this in mind, long ago, when I first got this shitty job (no pun intended), I sought out and found a private toilet.

Like a private dancer, this toilet made me giddy with joy; I turned it into my own, private Idaho.

My own Thunderdome.

Sure, the vagrant pisser would come in and use the urinal, but there was only one stall – one stall for all. This guarantees me the right to shit alone, without another chump powering pudge balls out of his ass next to me.

See, I don't wanna hear someone grunting next to me, unless it's Tara Reid.

No, I want to whiff my own farts without the intermingling of Joe from Payroll and his ground up intestine eliminators.

So, I found my rose garden. But, alas, it is only one stall and every so often it is occupied.

Today, it's been occupied since eleven.

I remember coming in this morning and planning ahead: it was empty, so I partook in what I would have hoped would be the end of the nachos and salad I ate last night.

But, because I ate only nachos and salad I could only squeeze out a couple of sorry excuses for human fecal matter. No, I knew, like a commercial break on a late show: there was more to come.

But, when that more came to me, the bathroom was occupied and has stayed occupied throughout the day.

Oh why? Why, oh, Lord do you forsake me with an entire department of excrementors!?

Have I offended thee?

It doesn't matter, I am destined to wait until I get home at seven to blow my toilet into the first floor of the beautiful Sevi.



Don't cry for me...because I'm already dead...



Pleace,

Matt