You remember a page or so ago when I was talking about the cult I was in that was really a fraternity and how I tried to pretend I was God by clipping my toenails?
Well, get this: it was true. I am God, and if you just write "I believe you" in the comments of this blog I'm pretty sure I can get this certified and be able to not pay taxes as I'm my own religion. I mean, you'd be doing me a favor here. My church has a lot to offer.
WHAT CAN YOU OFER ME? You ask?
Well, for starters, you spelled "offer" wrong.
ARE YOU REALLY THE TRUE GOD? I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF GODS IN MY TIME AND HAVE BEEN LET DOWN BY FRAUDS AND PHONIES.
Well, did any of those churches help you with your spelling?
SURE YOU HELPED ME WITH MY SPELLING, BUT IT WAS A TYPO. I CAN SPELL OFFER.
Really?
REALLY.
I don't believe you.
WHY NOT?
Because I'm God and I know you lied.
THEN YOU'RE NOT GOD, BECAUSE I WASN'T LYING.
OK, you passed the test. You can be in my religion now.
THANK YOU!!!!
You bet.
See, it's just that easy.
Man, my fingers hurt from writing all these street smarts down. I can't believe it's already 4 o'clock. I've been writing this since March.
I just want to make sure I don't forget anything, because I'm really on a roll right now and I feel like I could be writing, like, the new Bible or something - the Bible for street smarts.
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I Believe!
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