Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I've Changed my Mind – Dead Animals ARE Funny

Look, there's a lot of life lessons, and one of them is that you'll change your mind now and again. Like, when you think that dead animals are no longer funny.
See, for me, it all came down to the "ha ha", if you will. Dead animals are not clever or ironic, no. But, they are "ha ha" funny. Like if you witness a horse run through traffic and just get annihilated by a dump truck. There's nothing clever there; it's just a cheap joke.
So, therefore, I retract my last statement and amend it to:

Horses Getting Hit by Dump Trucks are a Prescription for HA HA

There, I said it.
I do not, however, condone the wholesale slaughter of horses by dump trucks. That would not be funny. In order for a horse being hit by a dump truck to be funny, you must see it at random and only once.
Put it this way: imagine a horse being hit by a dump truck. JUST FUCKING DO IT!!!! OK, now, imagine that same thing once again.
I bet you didn't laugh the second time, did you?
Look, we are all made from the same primordial goop, except people from Texas, and we all find different things funny. I, myself, may find dead horses funny and you may not. But, damnit, we need to celebrate the differences! So what if I want to rob banks and dress up like Al Roker on Thanksgiving – are those crimes?
Nay, they are expressions of the human will to just be. Now, you've gone and made me cry. I hope you are happy.

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