The Time is Right

T.B.I.F.

Or

My Neighvors Snubbed Me
Or

Films and Music that will get you Head from your Ladyfriend
Or

Dark Murder Death March Chant


My lung hurts. It's the left one, if you're facing me. But, you're not. But, you should know.

Someone did a search on "The Great Nabob" and came up with this site. I'm getting a bone-chilling feeling that I'm not going to be allowed back to that bar after I poo-poo'ed their hummus in an earlier post.

What the hell am I talking about hummus anyway? Good lord, if I thought I'd be the half-assed attempt at yuppie-liberal that I am now, I would have shot myself long ago.

But, shooting is for the military and this is a blog.

Blog.

I hate that word. I really wish I had the web savvy to create my own page, but I don't. Things like computers and HTML escape me.

Thank Buddha it's Friday!

Thank God it's Friday!

Thank Allah it's Friday!

Thank Jehovah it's Friday!

"Um, excuse me? Did you just evoke the name of the lord at work?"

They play Christian music down in the lobby. My CEO isn't much of a liberal.

Again:



LED ZEPPELIN COVER BAND!



That's this weekend, right Chris?



I invited the neighvor via email. I don't think they'll go.

I feel snubbed by my neighvors recently. Every night there is a party over there and I get no invitation.

This bothered me, so I nailed their door closed. They resorted to cannibalism around four this morning and I heard it was delicious.

No, jokers like me are only good for two things: not grimacing at bad drunks and letting others smoke in his non-smoking apartment.

I feel used, like a cheap drunken whore who wakes up to a bed full of peanut butter and a bad headache. Oh, plus she totally had sex with some random dude.

I tear up.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

K, I'm good.

So, the whole idea of having a neighvor with hot friends is kinda flushed down the toilet. It's back to combing the soup kitchens for friends.

It's not that I don't have friends; it's just that none of them like me.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

I'm good.

I'm going to miss not using the word neighvor, though.

My lung hurts.

More yuppy things I do: drink coffee from café Vita (only because it's across the street), buy olives stuffed with things, create plates of anti pasta for guests, buy things from Crate and Barrel...I suck.

I had a friend who decided he was a cowboy after high school; I should do that.

But, where to start?

I would need to acquire a taste for shitty music, shitty presidents, and shitty clothing. That would be a stretch, because I have



*********************GOOD TASTE********************************



How good is my taste? Well, let's just say I was the taster that Tasters Choice was named for.

Like my list of movies that you have to see:



Titanic

Star Wars ANYTHING



I can't think of any other overrated, shitty movies off the top of my head. But, this does remind me of the fact that :



******************The only descent Star Wars Movie is Empire***********************



Accept it.



No, here is a real list of movies that you must see, from a person with good taste:



Nanni Lanko Summer Explosion

Death Dark Disco Death

Tape for Dispense

Death Murder Disco Death

Men Chasing Each Other With Guns



See? Did you notice that you've never heard of any of those movies – that means they are good.

You should run to your video store and requests these movies while on a date with a hot chick. She'll be totally blown away that you have such obscure taste that she'll totally blow you. Oh, shit, that reminds me of my favorite music groups:



She'll Totally Blow You

Dying Death Dark Murder Society

Victor Chappinghill

Street Gangstas With Stars and Belts

Moochachoo



Again, ask for these groups at you're local record store while on a date. Your woman will love you for it – in depraved ways.

Now, just in case she asks you about the music, just reply "It's dark."

As for the movies, this plot should some them all up:



It's totally about...man, it's just so hard to explain...OK, there's this guy and he's.....well, have you seen Donny Darko? OK, it's like that, but better. It's....you'll just have to see it."



This will blow your hotchick away and she'll totally let you donkeypunch her.

I swear it.

Anyway, lunch is up and so it's time to stare blankly at my computer again.



Matt



Pleace,