Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Birch is the Shittiest of Trees

No lie. If you ever see a Birch tree, shake your head in disgust. These trees are rotten. They stand all tall and act like they're so great. Don't believe it. Birch trees are for shit. No one needs them. You sure don't. Tell the world! Shout it loud!
If you are French, climb the Eiffel Tower and yell "Birch sucks" in your own language.
If you are English, climb Big Ben and yell "Birch sucks" in your own language.
If you are Norwegian, go visit some popular attraction in Norway and yell "Birch sucks" in your own language.
How do you like them apples?
Fucking Birch trees never learn.
For instance: I'm at Burger King and I order this Whopper and onion ring meal and this Birch tree comes up, behind the register, and goes "May I take your order." This is after I had already ordered.

Or, this other time, I'm at the local grocery store and I'm looking at the expiration date on milk and this Birch tree comes up and says "Hey, you gonna buy that?" Like I'm some petty crook. Fucking obnoxious Birch trees.
Oh, and then I'm driving on the highway and this Birch tree pulls up right by me and guns his engines, like he's some hot shot.
Dude, Birch trees suck.
If you meet a Birch tree on the street, keep your money close; the Birch trees will totally rob you with no provocation.
Look, I think I made my point here. If you don't believe me, go into the forest some day (that's where they're from) and see if you can find one descent Birch tree.
I bet you can't.

Except for Morris the Birch tree. Morris is my main man. I love you Morris!


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