Monday, August 9, 2010

I Cannot Believe I Would Post This

So, gonna eat that?

Well, they're forecasting phantom snow again in the greater Western Washington area.

We were all set for a "winter blast" this morning that never came. Now, I sit and look out the window at sleepy Issaquah, waiting for the snow to drop.

Look, I'm not childish, and I have no designs to create a snowman or run around in winter's harvest; I just want to leave work early.

Work blows. Seriously. I should quit, if they don't fire me first.

Still no snow.

You gonna eat that?

Last night I watched Apocalypse Now for the 900th time and I'm pretty sure I want to be a psychedelic army guy. That's what I want to do with my life now: psychedelic army stuff. I'd be awesome at the getting high part.

So, you gonna eat that?

Here's a story about unicorns: There were these two unicorns that met in the forever winterland of Samheland. This was back before technology had ruled unicorns obsolete and crushed them into microchips (that's how computers work – on unicorn magic). Anyway, these two unicorns fell very much in love and got married. Their names were Unicorn and Unicorn. Like Simon and Simon. So, then they had kids and stuff and had this great adventure. But, I guess my real point here is: your computer is made of unicorn horn.

You going to eat that?

Still no snow and I'm still stuck at my desk wondering how boring today will be. There's a good chance I'll have to meet with my boss for a bi-weekly "one on one." The only thing that could be more disturbing is if this involved sex. Every other week I have these one on ones and every other week I feel like she's going to yell at me about something. Like, how I left early on Friday and came in late Monday. If not that, then I have to deal with trying to account for the last 80 hours I was supposed to be working and not dinking around, writing about unicorns. gonna eat that?

Poetry time:

I wish I were a convergence zone

Converging in on you

I wish I were a convergence zone

And you converged with me, too

Your eyes made out of putty

And my fingers out of glass

You know I'm going to write something awful

That will end with the word ass.

That was breathtaking.

Hmmm.....that food there, you think you're going to finish it?

Well, still no sign of snow. What would be awesome is if it started snowing like crazy around noon. That way, I could get out of my meeting with my boss. I can just see her looking out at the snow, shaking her fist at it and yelling at me "I'll get you one day! Mark my words – ONE DAY!"

Hey, thanks. I was hungry.



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