Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Time is Right

January 3, 2004

And we're back up.

Well, it was a banner year over at the great Sevi. I guess I haven't lived there long enough to make that statement...but, it was a banner year for me.

You read it here first: New Year's 2005 was the first fun New Year's Matt Eckert has ever had.

That's right!

Let's begin at the beginning – 2004.

I hosted a party at my wonderful home and invited the general public via this blog. Although, none of you came, there were plenty of freindlies.

I created a virtual smorgasbord of all the best foods and beverages were on hand throughout the day. But, most of the excitement didn't happen at the actual party, which started at 2.

No, the real shenanigans began when Josh, Monica and I met up with Rob and Amy at the Great Nabob, the bar across the street.

Here we made friends fast as I shouted "Happy New Year" to everyone we met. And soon I was conversing with a beautiful young lady who kindly invited me and my compadres out to some loft party in Pioneer Square. She even included a phone number and let me kiss her on the forehead for good luck.

Well, good luck wasn't in the cards, as two beers later I found I had misplaced the directions and the phone number.

It was as we walked to the cab that was to take us to the loft party. I was all excited by this great turn of events for my penis, that I didn't even check to see if I had the number until we were far down the street.

Far down the street, I began tearing apart my clothing looking for the number and directions.

Soon, I was back at the bar searching through garbage cans, like a gypsy, for the number.

No dice.

I did, however, cake my jacket sleeve in what I hope was sour cream.

This sent me into a spiral of doubt. Could this be a sign that I should pack it in and call it a night? I mean, why suffer an hour more of this partying if it's been jinxed?

Nay, I stayed and was soon hooked up with another party.

This party we actually went to, with the promise of a view of the Space Needle.

Not much happened, besides hooking up with some girl Melinda and wishing everyone, forcefully "HAPPY NEW YEARS!"

I made the mistake of yelling "Tsunamis and Bush no more!" as the ball dropped on the Space Needle. This received a hushed silence.

I am an excellent idiot.

At one point, later on, I yelled "K, BREAK OUT THE COCAINE!" to another hushed silence.

I managed to find a beer, but no drugs.

Now, it was time to leave, we (I) had outstayed our (my) welcome.

Down the street we decided to go to Hurricane, but I was still in drink mode and finagled the gang of five into making food at my place.

This was a smart move on my part. We hurried to 7-11 and I quickly grabbed eggs and bacon and began shouting "Happy New Year!" to everyone in the 7-11. The next day the cashier would ask how badly I was hung over.

On the way back up to the apartment we ran into my neighvors (yes, with a "v" like the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past).

Let's flashback to the 2 o'clock party at my place. My neighvors, who had just moved in, were outside smoking and I shouted out to them "Do you want some salami? Make a sandwich? How about some popcorn?" This went on and on.

Flash forward to that part where I had just bought bacon and eggs.

So, we're walking into the Sevi and we run into the neighvors, and they recognized me. They were drinking out on the sidewalk.

A bunch of other things must have happened, but the next thing I remember is I'm outside my apartment, in the hallway, talking to this really, really drunk girl.

I have no idea what we talked about. I do remember that she somehow had put multiple gashes in her legs falling or something.

Pretty soon Rob appeared in the doorway and assured me that eggs and bacon had somehow been cooked and that it was time to eat.

I ignored this and continued drinking and talking to the drunk girl.

At some point, I was invited into the neighvors apartment and there were a bunch of women dancing. But, I think most of them had boyfriends.

Oh, and some weirdos were smoking dope in the bathroom.

Oh, and the other drunk girls kept going to my apartment to smoke.

Oh, and the neighvor has a way better view than me.

Well, I think the neighvor and her friends grew tired of me. I think at some point I had outstayed my welcome there, as well.
There's something evil about looking around a party you're at and realizing you don't really know anyone and you can't figure out why they let you in in the first place.

So, it was back to the hallway with the drunk girl.

Rob and Amy left and Josh and Monica were going to sleep. I think I then escorted the drunk girl into my apartment and began trying to have my way with her.

I'm pretty sure I kissed her, but I can't remember if tongues were involved. Later, she would leave and promise to come back.....but she never did.

I long for her.

Anywho, all in all it was a fun evening. We shared some laughs, some good times, and phone numbers that will never be found.

My only hope is that I'll find that one girl in the Great Nabob at some time. The problem is, I was so drunk I'm not sure I will recognize her.

Drinking is a necessary evil on New Years (and thereafter) and some times it gets the best of us.

But, maybe it was for the best?

Yes, maybe I would have outstayed my welcome at that woman's loft? Maybe God wants me to meet her in a more sober and enlightened way? Or, maybe God just doesn't like me.

He has no reason to: I try to bed the drunk in my bathroom.

Well, no matter.

I hope you all had a great New Years and I think we can all look forward to a breathtaking year.

And what will 05 hold? What's in store for humanity?

Well, I have a feeling cocktail sauce will be involved.


Matthew R. Gardener

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