Sunday, August 8, 2010


Semi Erect Weekend

Hello, it's me, Matt.

Well, Friday was largely a bore. I watched The Guns of the Navarrone and read. I am currently reading three books:

The Dark Tower by Stephen King: I've been through this before in another post. He basically sucks, but a lot of his ideas and descriptions are cool. But, he sucks and if it weren't for the fact that I read all the other Dark Tower books, I wouldn't be reading this one.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by (as told to) Alex Haley: Look, I know what your thinking and no, I'm not the type to put this book out when black people come over and never read it. It was referred to me from another website and it's, so far, the best book I've read since The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. It's really a good read and to tell you the truth if you take the "white" out of the phrase "white people," I agree with everything he says.

Something about a compass and his dark materials by Phillip somebody: I just started reading this book and I've forgotten the title and the author. It's, so far, a good read, but seems like Harry Potter ripped it off.

So, it was a boring Friday. I think I made nachos or a sandwich.

Saturday was pretty all right. I went to the


At the casino, you pop money into machines and tables in the hopes of getting that money back and then some.

So, I show up at 11. I was supposed to meet Josh, Scott, and Ross.

We decided on the Tulalip casino, because it was closer to Scott than Muckleshoot and he had an appointment at 2.

So, I show up and power cycled my phone

Power Cycling RV STORY 3

I learned the hard way that if you ever take a long drive you need to power cycle your phone. This could almost, wait..........OK, now it's another RV STORY.

Well, basically, on that one trip across the states in the RV, my damn phone wouldn't work. From Spokane to Chicago, we had no phone. Not only that, but we had people that were supposed to call us and we never heard a ring, but didn't know the phone was busted cuz we weren't calling out.

Well, for whatever reason, it started working in Chicago, but then when I was back in Seattle it went down again.

It turns out that if you are traveling a long distance you need to turn your phone off for ten seconds and turn it back on in order to somehow coordinate it with the local antennas.

So, there you go.

I'm sure there's a more thorough reasoning behind this and that some chat board geek will explain it to me. So, chat board geek:


Moving right along.

In the parking lot, I power cycled and checked my messages.

Scott texted me at 8.48 to let me know that he was taking his truck....or his girlfriend was taking his truck...or something about Godzilla taking his truck somewhere and couldn't make it.

"Total Fag" was the reply I gave him and called Ross and Josh.

Josh was on his way and Ross was waiting on his brother.

Wait, I just got some junkmail that read "This secret built an empire."

Is that not a radical subject? I'm totally using that on every email I send out today. I encourage you to as well.

So, basically, Josh showed up.

Beforehand I took a large dump in the casino. It took awhile too, because I didn't want to walk out of the stall with someone in there. I always do this. I don't like anyone knowing that I shit, except you, the reader.

Outside of the beautiful bathrooms

Tulalip Casino Bathrooms: A++++

I previewed the casino: Battleship, Keno, Wheel of Fortune, Monopoly – me thinks me pleased.

I quickly jumped on a Wheel of Fortune machine and won 15 bucks.

Wheel of Fortune Keith Anderson Story

So, Keith is in Vegas and he's drunker than shit and starts losing money on Wheel of Fortune. In his anger at Pat Sajak, he bludgeons the machine with more cold, hard cash and ends up losing a grand in the matter of hours.

Finally, Josh shows up. We search the place out, get some coffee, coke (free) and sit down in the Keno area.

I quickly lose the twenty I was playing with and the 15 I won from Wheel, playing Keno.

Josh does fuckall as well.

We sally over to the Wheel of Fortune and I begin to lose what amounts to 120 bucks.

I'm on the last ten of the 120 when I hit almost exactly 120 bucks. I didn't even know how you could hit that much, but I did it again.

Suffice to say it was almost a repeat of November when I was down big time and came up ahead.

You know why?

I'm rad.

Anyway, I end up buying Josh another ticket, playing some more and walking out 20 ahead.

Because, I'm rad.

But, we must be careful, I may be lucky, but sometimes I'm not. Like that time I lost a 1000 dollars of a 5000 dollar loan I took out to consolidate bills at some shithole casino in Baker.

From there, it was back to Seattle where Josh and I bar hopped:

Liquid Lounge: This is the bar at Paul Allen's million-dollar eyesore, EMP. This is that place where you "experience" music through the auspices of a museum. It fucking blows. The bar was OK. It's funny, the sidewalk leading from my apartment to EMP and all the other junk he owns, there's like nine scrawls in the cement reading "Paul Allen Sucks" or "Fuck Paul Allen." And, I agree.

Element: This is some shitty new bar that took the place of Polly Esther's. It looks like the type of place a two-bit drug dealer would buy with drug money and then not know how to run it. Seriously, if you like to dance to meth music in an abandoned warehouse: go here.

Sport: This is a new sports bar across the street from the Space Needle. I pretty much think it's the worst place on Earth. "How could you ever even know that?" Anyway, we couldn't get a seat in the bar, so we left. But, it was like the type of place all the people who buy timeshares and Tommy Hilfiger wallpaper would hang out in. It blew goats.

Five Point: This is a dive bar that is pretty cool. But, it's too claustrophobic. Some insane man came in while we were there and was promptly thrown out for not having any money. I mentioned to the waitress that he could have been a time traveler, but she wasn't hearing it.

The Great Nabob: I've talked at length about this place already. It's right across the street from me and it's great (except for the hummus, the no smoking policy, and the no Budweiser). This is where we met Ross, his brother, Shanna, and Scott. They had new paintings up that were e-rotic. In my drunken stupor I almost bought one, and probably should have. We played pool in there, I puked a little, went across the street to my place and puked some more.

Mr. Lucky's: Dude, one of the first porno movies I saw, the main character's name was Mr. Lucky. Anyway, this place is all right. It's kinda loungy in a cheap lounge way. In here, I tried to ploy these three women back to my place with all sorts of food products I would make for them: delicious bass, bagel bites, hashbrowns. They weren't having it. At one point the blonde told me that she enjoyed the "entertainment" but that I wasn't her type. When I asked her what her type was she said, "You're too nice." Hmmm....wasn't I just trying to get her to bed me using "delicious bass." Look, there's no way in the world anyone could mistake me for nice. Ugly maybe; but not nice.

Later, I left and did what I've been doing a lot lately when I'm drunk: Asking random people in a Napoleon Dynamite voice "Do you know where the Red Panda (fictitious name) coffee bar is? I totally have a D and D meeting that I'm late for."

I find this funny and where I'm only entertaining myself, I....can't finish that sentence.

This fuck face waiter from the Great Nabob (he's new and I don't like him now) says something like "Are you fucking with me?" I assured him I wasn't. This was funny, because anyone who needs to ask if you're fucking with them is probably the type of person who buys Amway.

Sunday was a large bore. I was supposed to go to Scott's for a Superbowl party, but I hate football and I was hung over. So, I read some more, took a drive, went and saw Ma, and watched the rest of The Guns of the Navarrone: very good movie, I recommend it.


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