Monday, January 25, 2010

Daddy Said So

Thoughts of the Monkey

Christ! How long do I have to masturbate before these people stop gawking at me? You'd think they're actually into this or something. I'm not even turned on, I just want them to leave so I can throw shit at the other monkeys in peace. OK, I give up. I'm gonna go in the corner with my back turned and pick my nose. Oh, wait – nevemind, Gerry is already over there slapping the wooly mammoth. Crap. Is there anything to eat in here that isn't covered in fecal matter? Ah, a banana. Great. Like, I need another fucking banana. I hate bananas now. I used to love them, but ever since I've been in this zoo, that's all they feed you. I could use a burger or something. Back in Thailand, I could always hang out in front of McDonalds and get some fries or burgers from stupid American tourists. Now, I'm in their zoo and all they'll feed me is the shit they took me away from. Didn't they notice that I grew out of the bananas and wanted their American food? But, no, I get bananas and monkeychow here. Lord, monkeychow: it's got all the snouts and entrails that a hot dog does, but actually tastes like snouts and entrails. I should attack the next zookeeper that comes in here. Maybe they'll load me full of drugs. Now that would be SCHWEET! I remember when they caught me and brought me here: I clawed some bitch on the arm and they hit me with elephant tranquilizer, a.k.a. PCP. Man, that was loads of fun. I had this awesome hallucination that I was one of the monkeys in the beginning of 2001. Watch this, I'm gonna blow a wad of shit at this stupid kid. Ha, ha, isn't it cool? I'm a monkey, kay, I'll point back at you and viola! Ah, ha ha, you should see the look on this kid's face. Oh, here it comes: the parent trying to explain to the kid how monkeys don't know any better. Dumb bitch. Of course I know better, but your shit son has his mug up in my monkey glass. I'm gonna go get my monkey basher and beat Clarence over the head with it for awhile just to disturb this kid. Clarence! Get your muffin-stealing ass over here, pronto! How do you like them apples, Clarence? Fucking Clarence, every Friday we get a bucket of muffins to eat and that prick is all grabby, I nearly let it go, but now that kid has me riled up. Ah, and just what I wanted: the zookeeper. Shit bomb on it's way. OOOHHHHH! Nailed her right in the face. How do you like them apples, zookeeper. And here comes the gun and................oooooohhhhhhhhh.....funk-a-delic.....i'm coming monolith, I'm coming......

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