Sunday, January 10, 2010

Dish Happy Housewives

Personality Test

1. As a child you were:

a) Quiet
b) Loud
c) Shocked repeatedly with a stun gun

2. Which of the following phrases best describes your general mood?

a) Everyday is a brand new one, and I expect the best from it.
b) I don't think I can go on any longer, Rufus, will you drive me to the bluff?
c) I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a tree....a tree on a large mountain, and I'm covered with leaves. And the leaves have small communities among them consisting of aphids. And then I think the aphids are a part of me as well, and I learn to love the aphids as I would love my self.

3. In social situations you generally are:

a) Comfortable
b) Anxious
c) Wet from your own urine

4. A good friend calls you and asks for your advice about a very urgent personal subject, but you are having sex with a prostitute and time is running out. Do you:

a) Tell your friend that you are preoccupied and that you will call him the next morning.
b) Take the call and ask the prostitute to leave.
c) Ask your friend to stay on the phone while you copulate with the prostitute loud enough for him to hear.

5. You work with a coworker that is constantly annoying you. Do you:

a) Tell the coworker your feelings and hope to work it out.
b) Keep your feelings bottled up; talking to the coworker isn't going to help.
c) Wait for a departmental meeting and expose the coworker for all their shortcomings and then urinate on the coworker?

6. When you think about your childhood you generally:

a) Vomit blood
b) Secrete a special scent that only you can smell
c) Smile

7. You find a turtle, in the desert, laying on it's back. If someone doesn't turn the turtle over, the turtle will die of exposure. Do you:

a) Turn the turtle over, then smash it's head in with your boot.
b) Leave the turtle there: survival of the fittest.
c) Turn the turtle over and let it live it's life, because a turtle life sucks anyway and that is his punishment for making you turn him over.

8. You wake up in an unknown person's room. Do you:

a) Find the unknown person and ask him/her where you are.
b) Think about what a dirty slut you are and how you shouldn't have left me in the first place.
c) Turn over and go back to sleep, because, hey, free room and board, right?

9. Scott Mccarron shows up at your door dressed as a woman. Do you:

a) Ask him why he dressed like a woman.
b) Ask him for an extension on the loan you took from him.
c) Invite him inside, take pictures, blackmail.

10. You wake up with a dead woman in your bed. What do you do?

a) Explain to the dead woman that mother was right about her and that she was a no-good dirty whore and that she took her medicine well.
b) Have sex with her carcass and eat it with fava beans.
c) Decorate the rest of your house up like a haunted house and make your bedroom the main attraction as you make a fortune off said haunted house tickets.

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