Monday, January 25, 2010

War Bad, Peace Good


War Bad, Peace Good

By, Angie Bergman

I think war is bad. Peace is definitely a better proposition when you think about it. No more people exploding and shooting at each other – wouldn't that be great? You bet it would! I also think that people should stop swearing and cussing and such, it's just not very good. Like, today, I went to the market and there were these two kids on bikes in front of the doors and the one of them says to the other "Hey, you BLEEP, you wanna catch a movie?"
What kinda potty talk is that? Maybe if people cleaned up the language a bit, there'd be peace on this great Earth.
Another reason war is bad is that it takes my Hubby away from me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I support our troops and our President, but I sure would rather have my Hubby, Ken, back from Iraq. Every time I see a news report about people in Iraq and all the deaths, I nearly lose my mind. But, I still support our President and our troops, especially my husband. I guess I wish that Saddam would just tell us where those naughty WMDs are so that we can leave and have one of our diplomats run that place for those folks over there.
I hear a lot of people bad mouthing our President for sending our troops over there and starting a war, but there is NO WAY that a Christian would start a war without a good reason. So, to all you anti-war nogoodniks out there, I have this to say: I have a two-year-old son and his daddy is over there fighting for your freedom – so, there! If you think you have a better idea than fighting that evil Saddam, I'd like to hear it.
So, in conclusion, war is bad and peace is good. But, you have to support your President and your Hubby! :)

War Kicks Fucking Ass

By, Aarron Hagness

Dude, fucking war is fucking awesome. Have you watched the news today? Fuck, they totally blew a prison up with mortars! Now if that isn't some bad-ass great escape shit, I don't know what is. Fuckin' A, I don't even need to rent movies anymore, I've got Al Jazeers, C-SPAN, CNN, the whole bit. I fucking love this shit. Don't get me wrong, I know there's motherfuckers dying over there, right, but, hell people die all the time. My grandma died a month ago, but you know what? She didn't die bad-ass like this one Iraqi I saw who got his whole mug ripped off when a jeep got totally blown up. FUCK, I love this war. I mean, peace would be cool in the way that you could go to Iraq and maybe bang some Iraqi chick because maybe you wear love beads or something...but, nah, that probably wouldn't happen. I know this hippie dude, Chris Sherman, he's all into that hippie shit: smoking dope, burning incense and all that shit and that fucker never gets laid. Probably cuz he's also a fat ass. Fucking a lot of hippies turn into fat asses cuz a' all that pot and shit. Anyway, so, I just saw this one G.I. getting carted away from some Fa-lu-jallah or something conflict, he was all bandaged up and shit – just like in Platoon. Fucking, this war rocks. I hope they show more coverage though, I've mostly been staring at the remains of that prison and I'm like playing "Where's Waldo" with trying to see any blood on the walls or street. None yet, but Oh well. Fuck it. If this goes on, I'm totally popping in Die Hard. Fucking war is awesome.

Please Take Your Boot Off of My Neck

By, Hussein Kazi

One thing I know about you Americans, is that you are a kind and gentle people and that you only go to war when you have to. With that said, is there anyway you could take your boot off my neck? I understand that it's your job to keep the peace over here, but really, I was only trying to bootleg this gasoline so I could feed my family. It's not like I'm some mafia guy, I'm just a guy who could really use a pita or two to feed a family of five. If you would be so kind as to remove your boot from my neck, I would gladly give you this gasoline and never do it again. I totally understand your situation, but even if you have to arrest me, you could handcuff me or something. We've been having this relationship (your boot, my neck) for over a half-hour now and my neck is really hurting me. Not only that, but my back is all twisted and my leg hurts. So, if you wouldn't mind, please remove your boot from my neck. Thanks!

Hey, Bud, I Would Totally Take my Boot Off of Your Neck if the Last Guy Who I Removed my Boot from Didn't Shoot me in the Arm

By, Pt. Neil Armstrong
Location Withheld

Hey, buddy, I totally see where you're coming from. I'm black, and I've had many cops put there boot on the necks of friends and family, and I sympathize – utterly. But, you see, I was in this situation (my boot/Iraqi neck) before and I took my boot off of the guy's neck and he turned around and shot me in the arm, see? So, where I abhor brutality in any form, I also have a thing for my arm not being shot. Not only that, but having my face shot off or anything else on my body shot. So, for the time being, I'm going to keep my boot on your neck until backup arrives and I can properly process you. Sorry.

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