Monday, January 18, 2010

This Security Guard I Had Once

Diary of a Security Guard


My name is Arty and this is my space.

Many of you might think that the life of a security guard is all macings and setting security systems.

Well, it isn't.

I know a lot of you don't appreciate your security guard, whether he's at your office, apartment complex, or school.

Well, you should. We take as much trouble as the average police officer. In fact, I've been in some shit that would make Iraq look like a picnic.

Currently I'm working the Sevi apartments in Seattle.

See, there's been a number of car burglaries, not to mention mail invasion. Life's like that in big cities.

At first I was hesitant to move shifts from Renton to Seattle, but when your company needs you – you don't say no.

My first two weeks at the Sevi have been hellish.

Just last night I was really burned out and decided to walk next door to the 7-11 to get a hotdog. Well, I left my complex keys out in the car, so I decided to prop the front door of the complex open with the welcome mat.

Well, by the time I got back with my hotdog and Big Gulp, some hooligans had stolen the potted plant in the front room.

I radioed in "Code 8-9-0!" That's security speak for shots fired.

See, if you work security you need to have a number of stories ready for those times when you're not playing you’re A game. Well, the hotdog deal wasn't going to go down to well with the people at the Sevi, so I decided to say I got held up.

So, I tossed the Big Gulp and finished the dog and waited for backup.

I told Jim, my C.O., the story.

He helped me form a report that looked plausible.

So, the cops came and I explained that two Mexicans had held me up for the potted plant and absconded down 5th Ave.

It all worked out until the potted plant was found in one of the resident's homes and he was arrested for armed robbery.

I guess I feel kinda bad, but that's the price you have to pay for a delicious meal.

Anyway, I'm signing off.

Be safe, and say a prayer for the men in uniform – the security guards that make it so you can go to sleep and not have to worry about your plants being stolen.



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