Monday, January 25, 2010

Rolling Rolling Bowling

Burkas V. Miniskirts

Anyone who reads this page on a regular basis will realize I rarely live by the ideals I write about. I've tried my best to explain this away with the idea that it is the devil that best knows evil and how to combat it. But, let's be honest: I'm just full of shit.

With that said...

The burka hysteria that swept the United States during the first months of the war in Afghanistan is all but a fading memory. But, it came to me last night in an ugly dream that I will now recount.

I'm a soldier in Afghanistan and I'm firing rounds into a crowd of children when Nell Carter appears on my left and is stark naked.

"Aren't you dead?" I gasp.

Her girth is hanging down to her knees and I thank the lord that her vagina is hidden by her belly. Her breasts look like bags of ground beef.

She says "No more burkas – look at my womanhood!"

I throw a grenade at her and it bounces off her stomach and hits me in the chest.

The dream ends with me staring at the grenade on the ground attempting to kick it away, but it goes off.

So, I woke up thinking about how much I would love to eat Taco Bell.

After that thought, I started thinking back to the time when Americans everywhere were self righteously bashing the Taliban for covering their women in rolled up Afghan rugs.

Meanwhile, if you walk into a mall anywhere in America you will see 12-year-old girls wearing daisy dukes exposing bare camel toes that resemble the roots of teeth. Further, their tits are either about to fall out or so obvious behind the few atoms that are holding them into the tank top that their wearing that you would think you were walking into an Africa's bizzaro National Geographic shoot.

Again, my penis applauds nudity of all types, but whatever is left of my spiritual fiber says that this is as bad as the burkas.

Is it wrong to teach young women that their bodies are so full of potential debauchery that we should roll them in carpet and keep them out of the sun?

Is it wrong to teach those same women that their bodies are fucktoys and are the only measure of their human wealth?

You want to know what those latter turn out to be? Paris Hilton is an example. You're only worth in life is your genitals and face. Beyond that, tell me if anyone would pay Paris to speak at a college? Take care of a child? So forth, so on.

Now, again, this is coming from a guy who just spanked it to a Sears catalogue and has been trying to find God in a bottle of Bud.

Yes, I too was sold down the river long ago for the quick fixes of sex and drugs. Do they work? Sure, for as long as they last – but, you can't walk around all day jerking your meat and drinking.

Leave that to congressmen.

So, if you want to see the two extremes of moral and spiritual bankruptcy, look to the Taliban and an American mall.

I'm sure there's societies out there that have sort of a happy medium, but mine is not one.

And, no I'm not prudish enough to think nakedness has anything to do with morals. But, our idea of a naked body is always sex. There's few people that can look on it as just beauty.

Maybe we'll get over that.

Maybe not.

And I'm only using burkas and miniskirts as a small snapshot. This bleeds into drugs, 150-dollar sneakers, Super Sized fries, go on and on.

Materialism is one of the largest cancers on this nation and it's funny to think that these evangelical-backed companies, like Coors and Walmart are the people at the forefront of this selling of souls.

Every Big Mac we eat, every "screw everything you see" song, and every "blow everything away" movie we take in we're coming closer to the void that lays in wait for the doomed.

Over consume, under educate, and fuck your way into the void.

It's worked for me.


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